Why does everything always revolve around sex? Isnt there anything else to ask about?

Not everything revolves around sex... though people seem to think about it A LOT -rubs my temples at the thought of "hearing" everyone's intimate thoughts-

I can read your mind, care to know what's on mine?

What do you see yourself accomplishing in 10 yrs ?

-sighs- I just hope to still be alive in 10 years... -remembering all the times I could have and maybe should have died-

I can read your mind, care to know what's on mine?

If some fluke occured and you were "cured" of your telepathy, would you be content or sad ?

-ponders- It would be nice not to have to focus to shut everyone out. But It may take some getting use to not knowing what everyone is already thinking.

I can read your mind, care to know what's on mine?

What's your opinion of me ... me now

-smiles- I think you are a sweetheart!

I can read your mind, care to know what's on mine?

So So Wrong...

Eric,

It just seems so wrong thinking of you without your former position. Perhaps it is because I have always known you as Sheriff of Area 5. Perhaps it is my feelings for you, that have left me racked with guilt and worry. Nonetheless, Eric, I am truly sorry for every part I played in your removal as the Area Sheriff. Call it silly human sentiment, but I can't help but feel responsible... I can't help but to worry that you may blame me... hate me even. Regardless if you do or don't blame me, I am sorry.

Your guilt-ridden, apologetic & loving Sexretary,

~Sookie

WTF is this?

Sheriff Ass,

Seriously? I refuse to bond because... well honestly it doesn't matter why and I get this picture text? Please tell me this is some sick joke. Because otherwise, I am definitely not bonding with you, now or ever.

Your Seriously Confused & Hurt Sexretary,
~Sookie

Do you think losing your memory solved anything? Now you have to relieve all the pain :(

-frowns- Honestly I don't know...surely something happened to make me want to forget it all...but I guess in a sense I should be sad for all the good memories I lost, but it's hard to be sad about something you don't know existed. -shrugs- I guess it's like anything else in life, it has it's good and bad sides....maybe I can get it back?

I can read your mind, care to know what's on mine?

Time to Share?

Eric,

Since you are clearly "occupied", does this mean you will be willing to share Sookie?

Your Patient Child,
Pam

if you had one wish what would it be ?

I wish I could honestly understand why I had my memories removed...It's just odd walking around and not remember the past year.

I can read your mind, care to know what's on mine?

What do you think is your most attractive feature?

-shrugs- People are always envious of my tan...Guys always admire my ASSets or my bossom...whichever you think.

I can read your mind, care to know what's on mine?

Note from Chrissi

My Warrior Sheriff,

My deepest apologizes for not checking in sooner. I was away. I have been keeping to your orders to not hunt in your area and only giving the minimal sacrifice to my God. I hope that will help offset any problems my absence has caused.

Your Devoted Enforcer
Chrissi

Note From Bubba

Mr. Eric,

I made it back to Bon temps and have been checkin' up on Miss Sookie. I don't think something is right. Miss Sookie sure is acting Mighty strange...

Bubba

Note from Pam

Eric,

I saw this and thought of you. My, Sookie looks awfully comfy in Bill's arms.-smirks- You don't think this could be a sign of the outcome of your pursuit of her, do you?

Pam

The Last Straw

Eric,

I have laid here for hours, debating over and over again about what to do, or say to you when you rise. But I realized something, I can not be here when you rise. I will not come back.

I thought we...I mean I hoped we could...Whatever it was that we were doing, I thought it meant something,but obviously I was wrong. I don't blame you for Bill's actions, but I can't forgive you from not telling me. If I meant anything more to you than a source for sex and blood, you would have told me.

It's become apparent that this has been nothing more than a power struggle between Bill and you. I was just the prize that would put you in good graces with your Queen. Well not anymore. It's over and I'm done. You and Bill can go find another prize to make your Queen happy...

The saddest part of this all...I actually thought you cared about me, that we...were something. I guess I really am a foolish human for thinking you could care about something more than yourself and your position in the Vampire world.

~Sookie

Eric,

I know you will be upset to rise and find me gone...but I have to work tonight. I said I'd give you a night and I gave you two. I'm not sure exactly what this is that we are doing...but I am not going to stay with you. I have a life of my own.

I am leaving for Texas tomorrow to go visit Barry and Eve. They have invited you along as well. I would like it if you would come, but I understand if you need to stay here. So if you are coming along, let me know. If not, I'll see you whenever I get back.

Your Sexretary,

~Sookie

P.S. If you are coming, Barry is booking us a suite at The Adolphus, otherwise I'm staying at Barry's.

P.P.S. You said you wanted a key...

Talbot....

A disgusted look on my face as I scrawl out my note:

Sheriff Ass,

I hope he was worth it.

Your extremely disturbed and upset Sexretary,

~Sookie


Talbot: I'm bored. Take off your clothes.


Eric: Been a long time since I've done this



Talbot: What? Men?


Eric: No, Vampire. -fangs-


Eric: Turn over



Talbot: -Hisses with excited anticipation-


Eric: Russell killed my family...-stakes-


Eric: -smirks-

-leaves the office with a scowl on my face, not noticing Bill sneaking into the office and sliding some more pictures into the file-


Eric,

I thoroughly enjoyed my reunion with Sookie. As you can see, so did she.

Bill Compton

FOTS in Bon Temps

-Wearily typing up the report, still covered in blood and remains, as tears fall over my cheeks. Writing a note, on a Post-It and sticking it to the front page of the note. Not caring that my tears have caused some of the ink to blur-

Eric,

There was an attack by two FOTS members today. Steve Newlin and Luke McDonald came into Merlotte's today while I was working. During the confrontation, Steve managed to stake Crystal Norris, former were-panther and now finally dead Vampire. Enclosed is the transcript.

You're very distraught Sexretary,
~Sookie

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*FOTS Staking Report*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Luke: *Enters Merlotte's and awaits patiently to be seated* @SookieSC
@Crystal_Norris_

Crystal: @SookieSC *walking by you on the way to the kitchen, whispers* There ya go, Sook...he's a hottie, huh? @luke_mcdonald

Sookie: @luke_mcdonald -smiles as I see you standing there- Hello there! Welcome to Merlotte's! Would you like a booth or a table?

Luke: *Notices something funny about @SookieSC 's eyes* Booth, please? *Admiring her ass as she leads me to a booth and thinks* (Nice Ass.)

Sookie: @Crystal_SSC -faces flushes as I grab a menu and leads @luke_mcdonald to a booth, my smile going tight when I hear his comment- Here ya go

Luke: *Slides in and smiles @SookieSC * Can I get a beer, please? *Sees the other pretty blond and thinks she looks awfully pale*

Sookie: @luke_mcdonald -follows his glance to @Crystal_SSC and then looks at him and smiles- Coming right up!

Crystal: @SookieSC *walking out from the kitchen and back into the bar, noticing the expression on your face* Everything alright, Sook?

Sookie: @Crystal_SSC -sleepy smile- I'm just exhausted and Arlene is taking her sweet time. Can you take @luke_mcdonald a beer and his order, please

Crystal: @SookieSC *smirks* You mean I get the hottie for a change? *grins, nudging you with my elbow* Sure thing @luke_mcdonald

Sookie: @Crystal_SSC -chuckling softly- Behave. -sits at the bar and lays my head on the cool surface, Jane thinking about her STDs again-

Crystal: @SookieSC *winks, grinning* Always, sugar *blows you a kiss as I head behind the bar to get @luke_mcdonald his beer*

Sookie: -smh @Crystal_SSC and trying hard to get Jane's thoughts of all the many desperate men she's been with out of my head- Hurry up, Arlene...

Crystal: @luke_mcdonald *placing your beer in front of you on the table, smiling brightly as I get the pen and ticket pad out of my apron pouch* Are you ready to order, darlin?

Luke: *Looks up @Crystal_SSC and a stern expression on my face* I would like the other waitress to take my order. @SookieSC

Crystal: @luke_mcdonald *raises brows, surprised by your request* Oh.....well, I'm sorry sir, but the other waitress ain't feelin all that well today.....so I'm gonna be takin your order *puts on my brightest fake smile*

Luke: *Grits my teeth @Crystal_SSC * I don't care. I want the other waitress! @SookieSC

Sookie: -picks up my head slightly as I hear @luke_mcdonald raise his voice and frowns- @Crystal_SSC

Steve: @SookieSC Hello again sookie

Sookie: @SteveNewlinJRBP -glares and stands up- What the hell are you doing here? -my voice full of anger-

Luke: *See @SteveNewlinJRBP walk in and waves him over* Yeah. Burger and fries. Well-done. Nothing bloody. *Shoves the menu in @Crystal_SSC hand* Steve!

Crystal: @SookieSC *glances over my shoulder at you to see if you've noticed that I'm having issues with @luke_mcdonald *

Sookie: @SteveNewlinJRBP -glares and stands up- What the hell are you doing here? -my voice full of anger-

Steve: @SookieSC now sookie is that any way to take to a paying customer?

Crystal: @luke_mcdonald *fangs retract as you shove the menu in my hand, and I hiss at you* If there's gonna be anything bloody round here...it ain't gonna be the food!

Sookie: @SteveNewlinJRBP -glares and hears @luke_mcdonald call to you, smirking- Who is that? Your girlfriend because your wife would prefer Jason?

Crystal: @SookieSC *looks to you in confusion* Sookie..what's goin on?? You know these assholes???? @luke_mcdonald @stevenewlinjrbp

Luke: *Glares @Crystal_SSC * May God shine his holy light on you and you burn like the demon whore you are! *stands up and gets in your face*
@SookieSC *points to @luke_mcdonald* just a friend.

Sookie: @Crystal_SSC -glares @SteveNewlinJRBP - Don't you recognize him? He's Steve Newlin, Jr. The leader of that occult church against Vamps

Crystal: @luke_mcdonald *snarls, my anger on the verge of taking over my ability to think clearly* You get the fuck outta here!!!! NOW!!!! And take your fuckin retarded friend with yah!!!!!!!

Sookie: -rolls my eyes- It's okay to admit you are gay, @SteveNewlinJRBP . Some of my favorite people are...you just aren't one of my favorites

Sookie: @Crystal_SSC -hears your yelling and looks over in your direction- @SteveNewlinJRBP @luke_mcdonald @EmilyThePixie

Crystal: @SookieSC That's right! The one who's wife was fuckin Jason! @SteveNewlinJRBP

Steve: @SookieSC *smh* Sookie have you always been so angry? Jason raped my wife.

Sookie: -fist clenched as I get in @SteveNewlinJRBP 's face- Now just because your wife decided to spread her legs, only means you were lousy in bed!

Luke: *Knocks you out of my face* Sit your Satan loving whore ass down and shut up! *Walks over to @SteveNewlinJRBP @SookieSC * Problem Steve?

Steve: @luke_mcdonald laughs not any more

Crystal: @SteveNewlinJRBP *bursts out laughing* Your wife's a fuckin whore!!! If it hadn't have been Jason, it woulda been somebody else she was fuckin! Jesus! What is wrong with you people?!

Luke: *Thinks Jason would rape @SteveNewlinJRBP 's wife and wondering if I should go for---* @SookieSC @CrystalSSC

Steve: @luke_mcdonald Luke when did ladies learn to talk like this? @EmilyThePixie @Crystal_SSC @SookieSC

Crystal: @luke_mcdonald *growls as you knock me down, glaring furiously at you as you walk towards @SookieSC and @SteveNewlinJRBP *

Luke: *Laughs @SteveNewlinJRBP 's comment as I flick @SookieSC 's hair to expose her neck* When they started spreading their legs for dead things.

Sookie: @luke_mcdonald -slaps at your hand- Keep your flithy hands off of me! @SteveNewlinJRBP @EmilyThePixie @Crystal_SSC

Crystal: @luke_mcdonald *jumps to my feet and vampspeeds to the table where you stand with @SookieSC and @SteveNewlinJRBP * Now you can do as I fuckin ASKED you to do! Or I will pick you AND your friend up and toss you both the fuck out!!

Steve: @luke_mcdonald Trash that all they are @Crystal_SSC @EmilyThePixie @SookieSC

Luke: *Glares @Crystal_SSC and reaches for the stake. Imagining seeing her smug face as it goes into her dead heart* @SteveNewlinBP @SookieSC

Steve: @SookieSC Sookie will you be coming to church soon with me? @Crystal_SSC @luke_mcdonald

Sookie: @luke_mcdonald -hearing the thought and seeing his hand, everything goes in slow motion as I lunge for the stake, hitting into you with all my force, the stake falling to the ground- @SteveNewlinJRBP @Crystal_SSC

Luke: BITCH! *Snarling as I try to push you off and reach for the stake* @SookieSC @SteveNewlinJRBP @Crystal_SSC @EmilythePixie

Sookie: @luke_mcdonald -struggling to keep your from the stake, clawing and kicking- @Crystal_SSC @SteveNewlinJRBP @EmilyThePixie

Crystal: @luke_mcdonald *seeing you reach for the stake, knowing your intentions are currently aimed at @SookieSC I lunge toward you *knocking @SookieSC backwards and pinning @luke_mcdonald 's arms to the floor, fangs bared, snarling*
@SteveNewlinJRBP

Steve: *I grab the stake from the ground* and Stakes @Crystal_SSC in the heart @SookieSC @EmilyThePixie @luke_mcdonald

Luke: *Is suddenly staring at @Crystal_SSC and then covered in vampire remains, blood everywhere and stunned* @SookieSC @SteveNewlinJRBP

Steve: *watching her burst blood everywhere*

Steve: *laughs* one less Vampire

Steve: @luke_mcdonald Now Luke still hungry? @EmilyThePixie @SookieSC @Crystal_SSC

Sookie: @Crystal_SSC -falls to the ground and sees as @SteveNewlinJRBP stakes her- NO!!!!!! -running forward- @luke_mcdonald @EmilyThePixie

Sookie: @SteveNewlinJRBP -reaches you and knocks you on the ground, easier than I thought thanks to Eric's blood- How could you! -tears in my eyes-

Luke: *Scrambles to my feet and grabs @SookieSC * Shut the hell up. Maybe we should tie you to a Vamp as they meet the sun? @SteveNewlinJRBP

Steve: @luke_mcdonald sounds like a plain Luke @SookieSC @EmilyThePixie @Crystal_SSC

Sookie: -reaches for @luke_mcdonald 's face with both hands trying to push you away, angry- Get off me! -A burst of light appears, knocks you over-

Sookie: -stunned I turn to glare @SteveNewlinJRBP - Let me tell you something -grabs him by his collar as I bend over and put my face in front of his and then kicks him in between his legs- You lay one God damn finger on me and you will be wishing I was Satan -hisses- @SteveNewlinJRBP

Steve: @SookieSC *grabs my balls* and fell to the ground *your days will come you just wait and see* @EmilyThePixie @luke_mcdonald

Luke: *Stunned as I come to and find myself on the other side of the bar* What the fuck are you? *Yells @SookieSC as I grab @SteveNewlinJRBP *

Luke: *Drags @SteveNewlinJRBP out of the bar and puts you in my truck and drives off* @EmilythePixie @SookieSC

Sookie: -breathing hard as @luke_mcdonald drags @SteveNewlinJRBP away and I fall to my knees to the remains of @Crystal_SSC crying- @EmilyThePixie

Steve: @luke_mcdonald *looks over at you* what was all of that about? *holding my Balls*

Luke: *Looks stunned @SteveNewlinJRBP * @SookieSC is some kind of freak! She knocked me across the room! I bet she's one of those V-addicts!

Steve: @luke_mcdonald Luke she must be, I could not believe my eyes

A Head's Up

-Slips the file on your desk and jots down a note-

Some interesting information has come to my attention. Go have fun with your "Bait". Just remember if you do, I'll go be Pam's Sexretary instead.

Your not-so-happy Sexretary,
~Sookie

Happy Sheriff Ass Day!

-smirking as I slide a file with copies of the photos, on the outside a note-

Next time, you'll clean up after yourself.

Your Favorite Sexretary,
~Sookie


[Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Photos*]


[Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Photos*]

......

-shifty eyed and whistling nonchalantly as I head into your office and slide this memo on your desk. sneak out, making sure I am no where near you, when you get it-

Dear Sheriff Ass,

*~*~Relieved when I see the Bon Temps exit, was so scared I'd get pulled over for Sweeting : Sleeping While Tweeting~*~*@EricNorthmanBP

*~*~Laughing as I pull into my driveway and I realize no one can arrest me because Sheriff Ass isn't on! -Dies-~*~* @EricNorthmanBP

*~*~Curls up in bed and dreams of @EricNorthmanBP in pink glitter, tutu, tights, tiara and dancing "The Sugar Plum Fairy" Ballet~*~*

Your favorite (& Only) Sexretary,
-Big grin-
~Sookie

Memos...7/26/10

-smiles-

Welcome back from Jackson!

Ok first thing first. Pam left you something but you need to check your desk for it.

-shrug-

Next order of business, Tara is looking for a house in NOLA, so there is no need to offer Franklin a job in your Area anymore.

-looks a little annoyed as I hand you something-

And this came for you last night:

Welcome to My Memos...

So what is the whole point of this blog? -stares as you looked shocked that I just read your mind- No point in trying to pretend you weren't wondering. -shrug- It happens. -smiles sweetly-

This is a blog to help keep Sheriff of Area 5, Eric Northman up-to-date with everything going on with our "Once Bitten" Family.

What is a sexretary? -blushes a deep red and looks down- I honestly don't know. It's just a nickname that has been given to me by one member of our group (Thanks Zen! -smh-). Eric enjoyed it so much -confused as to why it amuses him so much- that now I'm officially (in his delusional mind) his sexretary. Basically I keep track of the story lines, messages and events that he may miss out on or need to know about.

He's lucky he's such a great Eric or else he may be left clueless. -smirking and devising a plan in case he ever makes me angry- Hopefully this will help me keep up with everything for him and now all I have to do is remind him to check this site. -smh-

Eric's Sexretary
~Sookie